just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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