Whod you bang
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
