She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
