if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
