Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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