I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
