I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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