You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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