Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
