you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
