fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
