i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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