If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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