Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
