I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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