I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
