I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
