i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
