Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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