Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
