i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
