After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
