i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
