What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
