Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
