Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
