I need help removing her.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
