just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
