Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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