My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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