I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
