peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
