I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
