just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
