genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
