Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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