you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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