dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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