My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
