Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
