it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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