I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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