I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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