She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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