she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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