It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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