please come you make the beer taste better
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
