I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
