I puked a lego.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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