The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
