He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
