I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
