Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
