cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
