You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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