Ambien. No doubt about it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
