Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
no you cant smoke seaweed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
