I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
