she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
