the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
