If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
