drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
