Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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