i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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