We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
