I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
