I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
