she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
