Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
