I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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