dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
