I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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