I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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