She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
