Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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