This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
