You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
