I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
