Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
