Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
