i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
