im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
