We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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