I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
