Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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