Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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