Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
