And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
