I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
