i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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