Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
