She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
