I think my fart just growled at me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
