singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
